As a well-informed and completely unbiased voice on the modern game, I approach the season ahead with my usual Collingwood lens: resentment, skepticism, persecution complex, quiet optimism and visceral hatred … of Carlton.

There are a number of questions that already have raised their head before the season proper has begun. A couple of them relate to the groin area of key personnel. For example will Jordy’s groin hold up for the season ahead and how far will this groin go toward helping the Pies to more premiership glory? Did the AFL ‘integrity’ unit leave ‘no stone unturned’ in investigating former Blues’ President Luke Sayer’s alleged ‘dick pic’? Would they have gone a little harder on this soft sell if it had been for example EDDIE MAGUIRE? And would the usual suspects (Caro, Robbo, Barrett etc) have piled on more if the issue had involved the Pies? And why are dick pics a thing? Actually, never mind, that’s getting a little too ‘visceral’.

Will Dan Houston provide the Pies with that much needed drive from the back half with his poise and precision? Will Tom Mitchell and Nick Daicos’ feet hold up to a long season? Are the Pies up to it still and do they have enough green shoots coming through? (Allen, Harrison, Parker, Jiath, Reef) or are they the ‘Dad’s Army’ the media love to make out? Will Hok-ball continue to thrill the AFL or will it get found out by opposition coaches? Will Ginnevan continue be seen as a ‘great team player’ rather than an annoying, head ducking prima donna now he is not at the Pies or will the football community turn on him again after his next stupid instagram post? Will the Bont stay true to the Dogs? Has Bailey Smith taken headbands to the next level at Kardinia Park? Are the Giants ready to finally take the ultimate step or will the Lions back up their brilliance of last year? Are the Swans too scarred to make an impact or will a new coach make the difference they need and why oh WHY have Carlton, supposedly a flag favourite again been given such a SOFT draw by the AFL. Maybe the AFL integrity unit can investigate that? Lol.

So many great questions loom before what promises to be another exciting season of AFL, the best game in the world. GO PIES.